Did I Just Pee Myself…?

Was exactly what I asked myself on May 14th, 2018. It was about 9:30 pm and I was only 14 weeks pregnant at the time and felt a gush of water like I’d just peed myself. I did not.

My water broke.

I didn’t even know that could happen, let alone so early! I was so naive to the whole thing I actually just changed my clothes and went to bed. I woke up in the morning feeling dry so I figured peeing myself was just going to be a thing now, among other fun pregnancy related things. I thought “Well, I better call the doctor just in case though.” They got me right in! Like “Can you be here in 10 minutes?” right in. I figured, “Sure, it’s on my way to work.” (Seriously, what TF was I thinking?!)

When I got there I went right back. No passing go, no collecting $200. I even had my couch picked out and everything! The doctors did a few tests for amniotic fluid, which came back negative. At this point, we both kinda thought I peed myself. She ordered an ultrasound anyway to make sure there wasn’t anything going on that she couldn’t see during a physical exam. The second the ultrasound tech put the probe on my belly I knew something wasn’t right. Having had an ultrasound two weeks before I knew the baby was supposed to be swimming in this black pool looking blob. It wasn’t there. It actually looked more like my baby was lying in a tear drop. Very small black pool and this long tail looking thing. But I kept thinking I was imagining it, that maybe it was the angle of the probe or something.

The doctor confirmed that my water had broken (pPROM) and what my next steps would be (although I couldn’t focus on anything she was telling me). I really just wanted to leave there as fast as I could and not let ANYONE see me crying. I just about sprinted out of there once I got myself together. At home, my husband and I just cried. For hours. We tried for two years to have a baby and were starting to wonder if we would need help getting pregnant, then we got pregnant! We were so excited! Our whole family was! Then this happens… We had no idea what was coming next and had no idea what decisions we would be facing. We had no idea what the process would be like or at what cost.

We locked ourselves in our house and shut off our phones. Nothing was going to make us feel better at that moment and it was easier to shut everyone out. So that’s what we did.